Free "Wonky Pie" with every order

Dear Customers,

I have had an idea which I hope you will enjoy.  I have talked to you in the past about our wrapping machine, christened PEARL.  An eye wateringly expensive piece of equipment, we were all terrified when I made the commitment to buy her three years ago.  However, it turned out to be the best decision ever.  During lockdown, having PEARL was the only way Deets and I could keep the business going as we would never have been able to hand wrap the pies as well as make and dispatch them.

However, PEARL does have a darker side.  She will run perfectly for hours on end and then without any warning, she has a complete fit and the pies start coming out with untidy, scrunched up wrapping.  She is completely random in her choice of flavours to muck up, her bad behaviour is a complete mystery to us and the lovely engineer to visits us from time to time.  I have tried shouting at her (before you say anything, I agree that talking to an inanimate object is not a good sign). In the past, it was not a problem, we simply opened up the bars, chopped them into sample pieces and sent them out with wholesale orders but, of course, sampling is not allowed at the moment.  So, we are going to give them to you.

Wonky pies

With every order from now until next Sunday, I will send you a FREE “Wonky Pie”.  The pies themselves are perfect, it just that the wrapping is untidy.  Of course, we could remove the packaging and put them through PEARL again but wrapping them twice does not feel environmentally friendly.  On the subject of the Planet, I am absolutely desperate to stop sending out the pies in poly boxes but I just cannot find an alternative which is not drastically and prohibitively expensive. I have tried sheep’s wool and various sorts of bio-degradable plastic pouches but they cost a fortune.  I have scoured the internet but without success.  If you have any ideas, I would be so grateful to hear from you.

The “Wonky Pies” are displayed on George the cactus who is a story in himself for another time.

Please take great care,